Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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