Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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