So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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