Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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