I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My dick has a subreddit
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
