Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
