my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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