I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
