i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
