why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
