I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
