Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
