Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
