you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
