Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
