I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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