In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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