Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
