normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
