"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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