Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
