If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
