There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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