my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
