last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
wow bdsm is so cute
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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