just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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