Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
