Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize