I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
