How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
