I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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