I didn't shave. On purpose
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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