So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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