Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
