I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
