pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
