she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize