The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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