It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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