Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
