Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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