Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
