Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
