Can i not drive my cunt home
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
