I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
