You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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