don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
