So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
