I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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