I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize