i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
