My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
