i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
