I feel like abortions should bother me more
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
