the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
