Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
