I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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