If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize