Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
