I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
