so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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