Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
