At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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