super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
