Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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