How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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