I'm so fucking centered right now
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
