names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ketchup is God's man juice
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
