The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
