my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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