Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
