i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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