a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize