??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
