Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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