On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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