WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
