I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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