I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
