We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My bed smells like the plague
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
